It’s not fair!

I am a very determined person. If I decide on something I won’t stop until I get it. I think that’s why I’m finding this so hard. This is completely out of my control and I am helpless. 

My best friends had a little boy a couple of weeks ago and all I can think is that I’m dreading having to see them. The thought of seeing their perfect little family makes me want to run in the other direction screaming ‘it’s not fair ‘. 

I am so lucky to have all the things I have. A loving husband, loyal friends, supportive family, great job, beautiful home and we don’t really have money problems. 

Then why do I feel empty inside?
I feel guilty that I’m not happy, that I’ve got this fantastic life but it’s not enough for me. And because I can’t have what I want I’m filling our lives up with stuff. Trips away, shows, sports events, holidays and anything else I can think of to distract me from how I really feel. 

I have a new challenge, to lose some weight. At least concentrating on that has good health benefits!

Wish me luck!!

The verdict is…….

I need to be referred to a fertility consultant. 

Even though I knew what the doctor was going to say today I wasn’t prepared for how it made me feel. Useless and hopeless. 

The positive attitude I had just 24hrs ago has gone and I’m left with a feeling of emptiness. I know that there is still a chance and we just have to keep trying. I also know that this may only be the beginning of a really tough journey. 

Another month rolls on

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. I’ve been in my hopeful period that anyone trying to conceive will know well. 

The two weeks where you can day dream that this month will be different. Every twinge and feeling is twisted into a sign that things are about to change. Even if deep down you know that feeling means this month is the same as all the others. Another disappointment, another bad month. 

Each month I have been feeling like it’s taking another piece of me. But this month im determined not to let it bring me down.

Tomorrow I have another appointment with the doctor to go through my latest fertility tests. I’m not expecting any new information and I’m sure the advice will be to keep trying. 

I am still hopeful that one month we will get our happy ending, you never know maybe it will be next month. 

Let the next cycle begin!